OLD SCHOOL

SEEMS LIKE EVERYONES GOT A LITTLE WEINER IN THEM

     "What's going on with politicians theses days?" As usual Al asks and answers the tough questions; the ones you are all thinking but are afraid to utter, the ones the media turns a blind eye to.

     The true character of a leader is based on his work ethic and decision making ability.  Lets look at decision making first. 
     When one who has built a tremendous career is faced with an immoral choice, one that today or someday in the future may ruin that career, we should no longer expect them to do the "right thing," but we should at least demand that our leaders are bright enough to make choices that are worth the humiliation, embarrassment and destruction to their families, friends and futures.  I know, I know many of you may think NOTHING is worth the risk and Al agrees, yet still we see scandal after scandal.  So lets put our disagreements aside and come to common ground on this:  this decision:

and this one:

                                  Were certainly not worth the price tags.  

     Former Govenator Schwarzenegger now faces an investigation as to whether he used campaign and / or state funds to cover up his affair and love child and former presidential candidate John Edwards has been indicted for similar allegations.  Be this as it may the scandals surrounding these men are quaint in comparison to Anthony Weiner's sexting.  Arnie and John met persons of the opposite sex, consummated their relationships, had children out of wedlock, and their original marriages dissolved. How old school!

     Weiner charted new waters having perpetrated the first virtual political scandal.  He managed to create the appearance of sexual impropriety without the sex! This is may sound boring but once you move beyond his pathetic pack of denials you arrive at a place that is as revealing as it is bizarre. There are those who have opined that Weiner is gay but the facts are his breathless love was not for another man but alas...   

                                                                            ... for himself.

Even the intended recipient women were mere prompts for his male preening.  And while our other philanderers certainly possessed no shortage of entitlement, super - optimism and self appreciation they did have a warm body at the other end of their rainbows... 

                               no matter how hideous.
     The road out of Weiner's mess has now become vertical for the Congressman.  He is well known as a vicious attack dog for the Democratic Party but in the words of a great man, Mr. Blond: "Are you gonna bark all day little doggie, or are you gonna bite?"

     Inside Congress Weiner is recognized for his mouth not his muscle. Colleagues paint him as someone who does little political heavy lifting, yet is always there to bask in the glory.  If he does not survive, Al suspects this as the true cause.  
     Weiner should have taken a page out of this guy's playbook:

a man who proved you could get bombed, leave a young woman to die and not report it to the fuzz until they find your car... her coffin.  

But if you work hard enough, have the connections, get things done, make them happen, all will be forgot and you will be forgiven.

So put the camera down Anthony and get some fucking work done because after all, who gives a shit about this:

after the country had to endure this:

BENEDICT ARNOLD

   This is scary

     Is anyone surprised that Arnold Schwarzenegger fathered a child with a household staff member as many as fourteen years ago and did not tell his wife, Maria Shriver, who was likely pregnant at the same time with their now thirteen year old son, until he left the governor's office and found out the Los Angeles Times was about to break the story?

     Unless you're a complete moron, have never seen the movie Pumping Iron (in which Arnold's  bodybuilding prowess is far surpassed by his skillful lying), or lived under a rock since Arnie came to this country in 1968, the answer should be a resounding, "Hell No I'm not surprised!" 

     To be the greatest bodybuilder of all time takes one thing above all else: complete and utter selfishness.  Long before he could spell California,  pronounce Terminator, or string together, "I'll be back," Arnold predicted publically that he would conquer the world of bodybuilding, become a famous actor and go on to be a  prominent politician.  Many who heard this smirked and went along with their business, never taking a single word he butchered seriously.  Years later, when everyone on the planet knew him from the big screen, news broke he was marrying into the Kennedy clan and all I could do was smile, my idol was on his way.  With a little self control or even a condom and Obama's forger to change "Austria" to "America" on his birth certificate, and Arnie may have scammed his way into the White House.  Now that any chance of that is over, lets you and I try to answer the biggest question of all; the only one that matters:

No, not how did Arnold get Maria in the first place,

or why did she stay with him when he went from this to this.

Living with Conan must have been no picnic, and although they spawned four beautiful kids together:

 twenty five years of True Lies with the Barbarian obviously took took their toll:

When Arnold needed her most to back up his defense against groping every woman in Rio,

 half of Sweden,

and god knows what else,

Maria stood by him saying,  "You can listen to these allegations from people who met Arnold for 10 seconds 30 years ago, or you can listen to me." Now many who listened to her, and voted for the Kinder Garden Cop,

want their votes back because they realize that the Commando was labled correctly back in 1987 as a:

What a

for everyone.  Another decade with Conan would have certainly destroyed her. Now Maria can grow old gracefully, as have the Kennedey women before her.

     And while not the question I want to answer, but an interesting one nonetheless: how did The Running Man convince everyone that the kid belonged to the maid and the maid's husband when by age six it was saying: "Hasta la vista baby," every morning when it left for school?

These are all worthy inquiries but Ask Al's job today is to decide who is the bigger Scumbag:

or

No question they both lost a lot.

However, as despicable as his infidelity was, Tiger did his shagging on the road.  Arnold's deception runs deep.  The Sperminator was pumping more than iron and doing it under his own roof, lying to Maria, his kids, the people of California and most likely his bastard child for so many years.  And to know the truth all one needed to do is look at the boy's jaw line and signature gap in his teeth.

After being given this grim look at Mr. Olympia's soul Al's former admiration for him has been Terminated and Arnold is, hands down, our Supreme Scumbag.

But you know we have not seen the last of Arnold,

he just cant stop...

DID YOU HEAR SOMETHING?

Boston Globe:

Massachusetts: New Bedford – In an effort to curb firearm offenses, authorities today will formally launch the ShotSpotter system, a system that uses sensitive microphones on buildings to pinpoint gunshots.  The strategically placed acoustic sensors are linked to a computer.  The system is used in parts of Boston, Brockton and Springfield.

You’re kidding me with his thing right?   Fuggetabout all the false positives for everything from backfiring engines to fireworks (This otta be a pissa around the 4^th of July). But lets say it is honest to goodness gunplay the microphones pick up, who gives a thee dollar bill if nobody gets hit?  I mean it’s like the saying about a tree falling in the forest, if no one hears it does it really make a sound?

So in this time of fiscal chaos, when Gov. Coup Deville Patrick should be tightening the purse strings, Uncle Al has come up with an invention to balance public safety and efficiency, it’s called the Bodydropper.  It too is hooked up to a computer and consists of tiny sensors spread underneath the pavement that will detect when a real crime is committed – when a body hits the ground.  So while we are doing great things like legalizing pot, lets not prosecute mere assaults.   You miss you get probation anyway.  Lets go after the criminal we really care about - the one who can shoot straight.

THUMPER

WARNING: OUR MOST DISTURBING COLUMN TO DATE

Chelsea Rabbit Rapist Convicted Of Cruelty – Boston Herald

April 8, 2011

tags: sick, twisted

by darcprynce

Animal lovers be warned – this report is not for the squeamish.

Abel Aguirre, 38, of Chelsea was convicted yesterday of animal cruelty for having sex with his roommate’s rabbit, the Suffolk County District Attorney’s Office said. He faces up to 2 years in the House of Correction and a $2,500 fine at sentencing today.

Aguirre assaulted the rabbit June 1, 2008, district attorney spokesman Jake Wark said. Aguirre’s roommate told investigators she came home and found blood and clumps of rabbit fur on the bathroom floor and a claw belonging to the bunny. In Aguirre’s room, she found a used condom with rabbit fur on it. The rabbit was injured and bleeding.

“My jaw hit the floor,” one juror said about the disturbing testimony. The rabbit has died, but not of its injuries, Wark said.

Wait a minute, this story raises far more questions than it answers: for instance if the assault happened in June of 08' why did it take so long to come to trial, was the DA hoping for a sympathetic Easter jury?   And what is this animal cruelty nonsense, this guy should have been tried for aggravated rape!  And how about a murder indictment?  Who is this "spokesman Jake Ward" and where does he get off saying the bunny's death was not the proximate cause of the sexual assault - the jurors should have demanded to see the autopsy report.  Who is this roommate and how did she not see this coming?  If she found: "blood... clumps of fur.... a detached claw on the bathroom floor" how did that happen, did he use handcuffs, and where is the Mayhem charge?  And since when do rabbits have claws? What was the condom all about, safe sex... birth control... and if your going to go through the trouble of using a condom can't you  clean up after yourself, did he think his roommate  wasn't going to notice when she arrived home or did he have such pressing business elsewhere that there simply wasn't the time?  Why aren't animal rights advocates around the country up in arms over this, where's  PETA ... and Pam Anderson?  And when I read the report of the juror who's jaw hit the floor I realize the biggest question of all: what was going through this defendant and perhaps more interesting, his attorney's mind that they thought it was a good idea to take this matter to trial?  And I'm the one who got disbarred, go figure? 

SLUTWALK 2011 (No, I'm not kidding)

Killer Pussy

Choosing Scumbag of the day

     As usual there are so many scum bags to choose from Uncle Al Was having a hard time then he came upon SLUTWALK 2011.  This, he thought, had the potential for a tremendous amount of scum but you may be surprised at what Al’s investigation uncovers.

     There was a time AL would have been all-in for anything that had the word "slut" in it.   Ask any guy his view on promiscuity and you are likely to get very similar answers until you run into a gentleman who has an adolescent daughter.  A man's view of the world changes drastically once his little princess is in the equation.   What is interesting is it became immediately apparent SlutWalk was originally organized for very different reasons than to promote promiscuity.

     It’s no secret the winters are long and cold up in Canada but what is not well known is the extreme cold must kill brain cells faster than smoking Angel Dust. 

     One of the first exhibits evidencing this affliction came when a Toronto Police officer was giving a speech at York University and told women if they wanted to be safe from sexual assaults they should: “Stop dressing like sluts.”   This added fuel to the fire sparked by Winnipeg Justice Robert Deward’s remarks following a sexual assault trial when he commented that the victim's: “Clothing and flirtatious behavior were partly to blame for the attack,” then he called the defendant a: “clumsy Don Juan” and noted the victim wore " a tube top, high heels and plenty of makeup.”

     In heinous crimes of sexual assault blaming the victim is never acceptable, and castration or execution may be viable, effective options for those convicted, but the pressing issue for us is who most deserves to be Scumbag of the day?  The cop?  The judge?  How about the organizers of this event who when presented with an outstanding opportunity to build a positive platform for this issue choose the name “SlutWalk”?   Organizers said they want to combat the negative meaning of the word ‘slut.’   Webster’s defines slut as: “a slovenly or promiscuous woman (and I am adding man here).”   Slut = promiscuous / easy sex and but this event was founded on the idea that a person should not fear the crime of rape or sexual assault regardless of how they dress.  Even AIDS prevention advocates have understood the message and kept their distance.  How did this sound cause get derailed?  A logical mind would realize those who commit sexual crimes are not going to heed the memo that the definition of slut has changed; so what good was this march, to make people feel better about their sluttyness?  While pondering this I saw that the Boston SlutWalk was being held on May 7^th and figured I would attend to see for myself.  If nothing else it would be an excellent opportunity for some exercise, in fact with the nice weather coming I was getting psyched so I looked up the route:  “Walk from Government Center to Boston Common at noon.”  Huh?  You can almost spit on the Common from Government Center!  What kind of march is that?  Less than a half-mile? Yup hands down today’s winner is the Organizers!

Post script:  I'm still going with a tee shirt that reads - Front: "It shouldn't be this Easy to be Hard" Back: "Who assassinated Romance?" - Dare me?

DIMMED OUT

Jersey Shore, Boardwalk Empire; fugettaboutthem!  My crew and me owned Atlantic City.

That’s where I made my first million.  I was just a kid and had lost every dime at the roulette table that evening, I mean everything.  I didn’t even have change to get into a toilet stall!   Clenching ass, I was about to walk out of the bathroom and go, I – don’t - no - where, when a generous sole recognized my pained expression and offered me a dime.  “Thank you - thank you,” I said now doubled-over.  Please give me your address and I will promptly express mail you your money back plus interest.  Halfheartedly he declined before handing me his card and heading off.  Turning now to take care of business another gentleman exited holding open a stall door for me.  So excruciating were my pained bowels that I rushed in; ten minutes later emerging with a clear colon, renewed vigor and a dime.  With it I promptly bought a chip, place it on black, and low and behold I won!  Repeating the process again and again, increasing my wagers each time, I failed to loose all through the night leaving the casino at dawn with a cool million.  Recalling this story years later with my trusted associate Frank Nitti I mentioned how I wish could have repaid the kind man.  “But didn’t you have his card?” asked Frank.  “Fuck that sucker I was always beatin him, I mean the gent who held the door.”

HAND OVER THE KEYS FOR SPRING

THE JIG IS UP 

 I'LL SEE YOU NEXT YEAR

FOUL BALLS

OK,  haven't we had enough of the Barry Bonds saga?  I mean Barry and steroids, what do you think?

Al thinks:

Now they say what goes around comes around and this story may be a shining example of this.  How long did Barry think he could do this:

So he could take it out on this:

without "Ball Karma"  coming back to exact revenge on his family jewels, leaving him...

Barry unfortunately knew nothing about HCG to combat this condition, an alleged side effect which no one needed to know about until along came former mistress Kimberly Bell.  Once upon a time when she was a "Bonds Girl" she showed up for the party like this:

Now she shows up to court

to take what little dignity Barry has left by testifying to everything from threatening to rip out her implants because he bought them,

to the very private matter of the ball gods coming to exact revenge for all those home runs by grand-slamming his testicles:

But the question we should be asking here is: Who Cares? With the recent crisis in Japan, war in Libya and elsewhere, not to mention we currently don't have a budget in this country, we are spending millions of dollars to prosecute Bonds for.... for what? 

Not for murder, rape, robbery or extortion; not for dealing drugs and not even for taking steroids he is charged with PERJURY, for claiming he didn't know it was steroids his trainer was shooting him up with.  Al will not insult your intelligence by asking if you care about this in the least.  So the ONLY question left is: WHO IS THE BIGGER SCUM -BAG HERE?
Barry for what he did to himself, those who looked up to him, and the sport of baseball; Kimberly Bell for selling out and snitching about personal matters that should have stayed that way and serious threats that if true should have been brought to authorities when they happened - not a decade later, or Congress and Prosecutors who are spending untold sums of public funds on an unconscionable, warped, personal/career advancing vendetta? You know what Al thinks.

RIP AMERICA