DID YOU HEAR SOMETHING?

Boston Globe:

Massachusetts: New Bedford – In an effort to curb firearm offenses, authorities today will formally launch the ShotSpotter system, a system that uses sensitive microphones on buildings to pinpoint gunshots.  The strategically placed acoustic sensors are linked to a computer.  The system is used in parts of Boston, Brockton and Springfield.

You’re kidding me with his thing right?   Fuggetabout all the false positives for everything from backfiring engines to fireworks (This otta be a pissa around the 4^th of July). But lets say it is honest to goodness gunplay the microphones pick up, who gives a thee dollar bill if nobody gets hit?  I mean it’s like the saying about a tree falling in the forest, if no one hears it does it really make a sound?

So in this time of fiscal chaos, when Gov. Coup Deville Patrick should be tightening the purse strings, Uncle Al has come up with an invention to balance public safety and efficiency, it’s called the Bodydropper.  It too is hooked up to a computer and consists of tiny sensors spread underneath the pavement that will detect when a real crime is committed – when a body hits the ground.  So while we are doing great things like legalizing pot, lets not prosecute mere assaults.   You miss you get probation anyway.  Lets go after the criminal we really care about - the one who can shoot straight.

THUMPER

WARNING: OUR MOST DISTURBING COLUMN TO DATE

Chelsea Rabbit Rapist Convicted Of Cruelty – Boston Herald

April 8, 2011

tags: sick, twisted

by darcprynce

Animal lovers be warned – this report is not for the squeamish.

Abel Aguirre, 38, of Chelsea was convicted yesterday of animal cruelty for having sex with his roommate’s rabbit, the Suffolk County District Attorney’s Office said. He faces up to 2 years in the House of Correction and a $2,500 fine at sentencing today.

Aguirre assaulted the rabbit June 1, 2008, district attorney spokesman Jake Wark said. Aguirre’s roommate told investigators she came home and found blood and clumps of rabbit fur on the bathroom floor and a claw belonging to the bunny. In Aguirre’s room, she found a used condom with rabbit fur on it. The rabbit was injured and bleeding.

“My jaw hit the floor,” one juror said about the disturbing testimony. The rabbit has died, but not of its injuries, Wark said.

Wait a minute, this story raises far more questions than it answers: for instance if the assault happened in June of 08' why did it take so long to come to trial, was the DA hoping for a sympathetic Easter jury?   And what is this animal cruelty nonsense, this guy should have been tried for aggravated rape!  And how about a murder indictment?  Who is this "spokesman Jake Ward" and where does he get off saying the bunny's death was not the proximate cause of the sexual assault - the jurors should have demanded to see the autopsy report.  Who is this roommate and how did she not see this coming?  If she found: "blood... clumps of fur.... a detached claw on the bathroom floor" how did that happen, did he use handcuffs, and where is the Mayhem charge?  And since when do rabbits have claws? What was the condom all about, safe sex... birth control... and if your going to go through the trouble of using a condom can't you  clean up after yourself, did he think his roommate  wasn't going to notice when she arrived home or did he have such pressing business elsewhere that there simply wasn't the time?  Why aren't animal rights advocates around the country up in arms over this, where's  PETA ... and Pam Anderson?  And when I read the report of the juror who's jaw hit the floor I realize the biggest question of all: what was going through this defendant and perhaps more interesting, his attorney's mind that they thought it was a good idea to take this matter to trial?  And I'm the one who got disbarred, go figure? 

SLUTWALK 2011 (No, I'm not kidding)

Killer Pussy

Choosing Scumbag of the day

     As usual there are so many scum bags to choose from Uncle Al Was having a hard time then he came upon SLUTWALK 2011.  This, he thought, had the potential for a tremendous amount of scum but you may be surprised at what Al’s investigation uncovers.

     There was a time AL would have been all-in for anything that had the word "slut" in it.   Ask any guy his view on promiscuity and you are likely to get very similar answers until you run into a gentleman who has an adolescent daughter.  A man's view of the world changes drastically once his little princess is in the equation.   What is interesting is it became immediately apparent SlutWalk was originally organized for very different reasons than to promote promiscuity.

     It’s no secret the winters are long and cold up in Canada but what is not well known is the extreme cold must kill brain cells faster than smoking Angel Dust. 

     One of the first exhibits evidencing this affliction came when a Toronto Police officer was giving a speech at York University and told women if they wanted to be safe from sexual assaults they should: “Stop dressing like sluts.”   This added fuel to the fire sparked by Winnipeg Justice Robert Deward’s remarks following a sexual assault trial when he commented that the victim's: “Clothing and flirtatious behavior were partly to blame for the attack,” then he called the defendant a: “clumsy Don Juan” and noted the victim wore " a tube top, high heels and plenty of makeup.”

     In heinous crimes of sexual assault blaming the victim is never acceptable, and castration or execution may be viable, effective options for those convicted, but the pressing issue for us is who most deserves to be Scumbag of the day?  The cop?  The judge?  How about the organizers of this event who when presented with an outstanding opportunity to build a positive platform for this issue choose the name “SlutWalk”?   Organizers said they want to combat the negative meaning of the word ‘slut.’   Webster’s defines slut as: “a slovenly or promiscuous woman (and I am adding man here).”   Slut = promiscuous / easy sex and but this event was founded on the idea that a person should not fear the crime of rape or sexual assault regardless of how they dress.  Even AIDS prevention advocates have understood the message and kept their distance.  How did this sound cause get derailed?  A logical mind would realize those who commit sexual crimes are not going to heed the memo that the definition of slut has changed; so what good was this march, to make people feel better about their sluttyness?  While pondering this I saw that the Boston SlutWalk was being held on May 7^th and figured I would attend to see for myself.  If nothing else it would be an excellent opportunity for some exercise, in fact with the nice weather coming I was getting psyched so I looked up the route:  “Walk from Government Center to Boston Common at noon.”  Huh?  You can almost spit on the Common from Government Center!  What kind of march is that?  Less than a half-mile? Yup hands down today’s winner is the Organizers!

Post script:  I'm still going with a tee shirt that reads - Front: "It shouldn't be this Easy to be Hard" Back: "Who assassinated Romance?" - Dare me?

DIMMED OUT

Jersey Shore, Boardwalk Empire; fugettaboutthem!  My crew and me owned Atlantic City.

That’s where I made my first million.  I was just a kid and had lost every dime at the roulette table that evening, I mean everything.  I didn’t even have change to get into a toilet stall!   Clenching ass, I was about to walk out of the bathroom and go, I – don’t - no - where, when a generous sole recognized my pained expression and offered me a dime.  “Thank you - thank you,” I said now doubled-over.  Please give me your address and I will promptly express mail you your money back plus interest.  Halfheartedly he declined before handing me his card and heading off.  Turning now to take care of business another gentleman exited holding open a stall door for me.  So excruciating were my pained bowels that I rushed in; ten minutes later emerging with a clear colon, renewed vigor and a dime.  With it I promptly bought a chip, place it on black, and low and behold I won!  Repeating the process again and again, increasing my wagers each time, I failed to loose all through the night leaving the casino at dawn with a cool million.  Recalling this story years later with my trusted associate Frank Nitti I mentioned how I wish could have repaid the kind man.  “But didn’t you have his card?” asked Frank.  “Fuck that sucker I was always beatin him, I mean the gent who held the door.”

HAND OVER THE KEYS FOR SPRING

THE JIG IS UP 

 I'LL SEE YOU NEXT YEAR